The eye of the beholder

EVerything was pleasant till now. My world is eneveloping me Im suffocating on my self created universe. What i thought was the right way turns out to be wrong. I need help . Desperate help. im always depressed. always. Latley with these new circumstances ive just wanted to sleep. sleep. i need a way out . this is too much . i cant cry my entire life. i want my family to be ok i wnat my friends to be ok i want geo to be ok. why cant i be ok too. whats wrong with me . why do i do these things. i love him so much , geo. i never wanted to hurt you like this. i want to be with u . u just made it so complicated- i made it so complicated. im sorry . im sorry i dont know how to handle my life. i think ill sleep now. i want to wake up when its better

ANYWAY I HAVENT POSTED IN FOREVER. Man it sucks to not know who you really are. HAHA like Uncle Ruckus from Boondocks. Ronald Reagon was responsible for AIDS and Crack. Jk or hmmm....


Ok to the point.

Sometimes after sleeping too late , a few hours or so after 8 hours of sleep,one's brain can go into overdrive. I know pesonally that my imagination / subconscious goes crazy. Whatever dream i was having gets that feel of reality -while your ebbing in and out of consciousness. So for example this one time i woke up went dowstairs and made cerial. Got dressed got ready to leave , did some chores for mom. Then i woke up...i aint done none of that shit. But all day ill wonder if it was real. Its happened many times to me. So to the REAl point lets say someone feels posessed or sees a ghost its very possible that the person is just half asleep , it is more likely. Reoccuring dreams are verry possible and sufferors of insomnia are highly suseptable to hallucinatins. The lines between your mind and reality almost blur as you become mentally exhausted.

Im just sayin....

( i wrote an entire essay on satanism but i erased it for the sake of sounding conceited as fuck itself :) )

Well anyway life is fuckin great! Ive made my room into an art studio ... i need to go buy shoes!

jackie just left at 230 (night) we were wacthing the old nutty professor ...good stuffs.

ah poop today we tried to go hookahing and turns out hookah shops are closed on mondays!HAHA badness and a waste of time fuckin tayler ruined everything.

MUST get more tatoos or peiring or dye hair! I cant looking the same for too long ..it bothers me ..alot . Change is so unbe;livably satisfying.

Oh hey people reminder... i am officially a bitch. My bitchdom has reached an all time high...we are on bitch alert red.

Ive gotton to the point of my freind Josh , just say the fuck whatever you wnat and some reason you always end up on top. No matter who you are your better. I realize ive always thought im more badass than i am ...ill probably get shot at a & m . haha i dont care too much however just noticing is like oh hey... i better wacth out so i dont get shot by the people i make fun of... whats wrong with being sort of elitist... dont answer that....

my new screen name is SkanksAndDaisies i need everyones screen names pleaaase post your sn;s im lonley on aim they destroyed my other one...damn them!

I got the most beautiful bike in the world! ~sigh~ I got a mountainbike because i love to go on trails and off roading so this is perfect! Its versitile however so its fine for college! Its bright yellow and a Trek 4300 ( i think hmmm better pay closer attention next time). Its very light and has nice shocks and shimano brakes ....good good. I could have gotton the model above it but it was heavier and more exspensive. I went 14.08 miles in it today, mostly offroad! so much fun ( however exhausting in heat and against wind). Im positive McAllen will be seeing alot more of me .


I GRADUATE SATURDAYYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ( I DONT WANT TO BE A FRESHMAN AGAIN! ) please let my Ap and college course work propel me to a sophmore or junior !

NO SIESTA FIESTA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PARRRRTY

Ive never been so dissapointed. im not going to Germany. i had never stopped talking about it. Looked forward for what ive always dreamed of doing.Im horribly heartbroken. It was convienant...my new life out of h.s. began so appropriatly. True example of how tough and cruel life can be. I still have my pride however feeble it is , im at least worth a plane ticket to Germany , a passport, and weeks of hard work. WHO knows i may be better for this...somehow. EVERYONE knows i wanted to go.

Kicker Dance wasssss fuuuuuuuuuuuuuun. I got to dance my dance . And i danced with my little sister , annie and Geo. weee fun fun. everything turned out ok.

well life is great right now school is almost to the end...and my schedule is building up , but in a good way. Ive started running again and i feel amazing.

I loves my geo ... hes been great to me , hes the one to start me running again ..and he knows its my antidepressant :)

I have so much to do with prom this sat and exams coming up -the pressure is somewhat comforting knowing that it leads to somethign so much better...

Well everythign moving much faster . Im going to A and M for sure. Im going to Germany in june. I have an industrial pericing in my left ear. Ive skipped computer science around 20 times. Its getting harder and harder to wake up. It tuns out im exstremly selfish and emotionless. Well its always been true but all of the sudden it seems like a bad thing. My philosphy tells me i am right to be selfish , the world does not. Strange strange strange. obsessed with a clockwork orange , viddy this bit i govoreet because it all true. Ive created masterpeices on material such as shirts , pants and shoes and cups and other cal laying around. Creativity spurt latley.

made alis cd cover and created clear case with confetti inside. Shoes with artwork inspired by aaron Kraten. work is becoming stranger, may go to strip club with the guys, afraid to go .

i dont wnat to get drunk anymore , high anymore... i want to hold on and just hope when i sleep the world does not fall out form beneathe me.

i quit smoking so much. cigs are cancer and loss of money
breifly started exercise while i can.
Im hungry and Mr. Garcia visited me at work yesterday. Gross. he told me i looked cute in my uniform and we need to arrange what can be done abuot me skipping class. God Damn awkword man. well

this was a sum up of my life on a menial level. oh yeah i made a lifesize poster of ms grace ok well 4 of them and they are circulating school. KMAC may do something on it according to laura and mr brashier.

jon says:
yes
jon says:
but your ears are no longer ears
jon says:
but robotic fixtures

whoa id like to see someone get more than me...
is there somethng wrong here?

You Are 94% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

life is good ...beside my fucking purse and all my money being stolen!

"Doctor! Doctor!"

She shacked up with the wrong surgeon
Oh, oh doctor! Doctor!
yeah. What have you done?
She slept beneath a blanket of scalpels
and woke up with skin, skin like fingernails.
What pleasure do you crave when sex lacks passion?
Oh, oh when the hospital lights are dimmed low?
She shacked up with the wrong surgeon
Oh, oh doctor! Doctor!

Doctor! Doctor!
Oh doctor! Doctor!
Doctor! Doctor!
Oh doctor! Doctor!

This knife cut fashion lacks compassion,
but who says being an abomination of human cartilage isn't a statement?
Now cover girl, your cover up drips like dairy.
When I see you walking by yourself,
Yeah, when I see you walking all alone
I wanna cut the corners off your lips,
I wanna shave the angles off your cheeks,
I wanna wash the geometry off your face.
Those cosmetics run, run, run like ivory blood burns.
You keep coming back to get fucked on the operating table.
You keep coming back a different shade of nauseating.
It's time to take that face back to the bank
and count the cash you really make.
Pennies, doctor, pennies!

hmmmmmm catch me if you can! I bet you cant im running pretty fast....

If life were simple ...shit like this wouldnt happen... I didnt want to hurt you and beng cold hearted was for a reason . im sorry geovanny , you have no idea... \



someone save me ... from myself

This is a collection of photographs i would like to dedicate to all the male teachers out there.

my curious little kitty cat

ok people just ignore yeah... ok this is my myspace thing

http://www.myspace.com/kendras_awake

i got it . Bring me neosporin bitchs. happy bday geosaurus rex!